1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
