I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
