So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize