just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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