She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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