i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
