My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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