Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
