Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
