no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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