Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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