im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
