I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
