The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
