I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
