just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize