New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
