so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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