im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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