Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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