he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
