So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
