i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
