Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
