did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
