Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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