Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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