Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
