if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
