I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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