just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
