at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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