Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
