his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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