Screwed.edu
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
