Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
