Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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