It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
