Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
