I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
