There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
