We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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