You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
