Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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