...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
