dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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