I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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