The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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