You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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