Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
