Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
