So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Someone signed my nipple.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
