i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
