Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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