I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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