if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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