First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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