cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
