it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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