Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
