I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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