I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
