Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
