where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
