You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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