If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
