Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
