ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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